RADICALS PLAN PSYCHIC
ATTACKS ON REPUBLICRATS
RICHMOND ~ A top secret group of CIA agents specializing in remote viewing and transcendental flossing have been dispatched to Richmond to locate a radical group of psychic terrorists according to a well placed source. CIA intelligence analysts believe that the leaders of the terrorist group may be located in Richmond. The radical psychics calling themselves the Scarien Liberation Army are thought to be members of the Scarien Cult. Cult members believe that Richmond is the center of the universe.
The Scarien Liberation Army (SLA) recently launched a website to recruit psychic freedom fighters. The group seeks to "overthrow the Republicrat Empire using transcendental anarchy and clandestine psychic disruptions" according to information found on their website. The SLA also reveals their plans to create pandemonium and chaos at the Republicrat conventions this summer in Philadelphia and Los Angeles.
The SLA website indicates that certain operatives possess interdimensional
converters which will be used to "demagnatize" the conventions. The devices are known to use alien technology in order to manipulate perceptions. The radical group also encourages freedom fighters to telepathically project deflected negative energies into the minds of Al Gore Junior and George Bush Junior.
High level CIA Republicrats hope to locate the leaders of the SLA in time to thwart disruptions at the Republicrat conventions but many political scientists believe it may be too late to stop the attacks. Experts have confirmed that SLA leader Miztah Skaree, a known alien fugitive, has already given orders to his freedom fighters to carry out the attacks.