THE WEB'S NO. 1 POSTMODERN ULTRA TABLOID
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ORGANIZED RELIGIONS SEEK TO
SUPPRESS 7 ANCIENT SCROLLS
Religious higher ups want to burn scrolls
RICHMOND ~ Religious authorities held an emergency conference yesterday at the Federal Reserve Building in an effort to prevent their followers from being exposed to forbidden knowledge. Leaders from the Church of the Holy Pharisees organized the meeting which included representatives from several approved global religions. The threat originates from seven ancient scrolls that were discovered inside the submerged pyramid found in Hollywood Cemetery.
A source close to a local private dick claims that the Pharisees and their allies have hired some thugs to track down the seven scrolls and destroy them. According to our source, the Pharisees believe Scariens possess the ancient scrolls.
It is believed that the Scariens obtained the ancient scrolls from a backhoe operator who worked on the excavation of the submerged pyramid. According to one christian scientist familiar with Scarien Cult teachings, the seven scrolls match the original Scarien scroll found many years ago.
It is believed that Scarien scholars have translated the ancient scrolls and are now releasing what some Pharisees are calling the "hideous truth". Most religious experts are saying in private that the seven scrolls unlock the mysteries of the original Scarien scroll. Portions of the seventh scroll were recently posted on the internet by the Scariens.
A member of the Scarien Cult who wished to remain anonymous told tabloid reporters that Scarien elders have decided not to release the translations of the the first six scrolls to the general public. Apparently the cult member agreed that the scrolls contained forbidden knowledge and should not be released.
Gossip circulating around an establishment frequented by Scariens suggests that the secrets of the scrolls confirm the hideous truth revealed in the book Scarien Nation Now Be One.