WASHINGTON ~ The CIA has provided the Republicrat National Committe with intelligence indicating that the Republicrat Empire is under attack. Since 1959, an underground group of operatives affiliated with the Scarien Movement have engaged in various campaigns against Republicrats. In the past, their attacks have consisted primarily of covert subliminal anti-Republicrat messages transmitted to citizens through music and television.
Top secret CIA reports indicate that Scariens possess advanced mind control methods that are possibly derived from the ancient Scarien Cult. Investigations dating back to 1960 have revolved around the exact nature of Scarien mind control techniques. Recent investigations by the NSA reveal that Scariens have developed a new advanced form of psychic terrorism known as transcendental anarcy.
The Scarien Liberation Army recently launched a website to recruit psychic "freedom fighters" and to promote transcendental anarchy. Another website claiming to be "the internet's number one postmodern ultra tabloid" is believed to be a Scarien Liberation Army front organization. Advertising in the wEakLy wHiRL kNEwZ appears to be limited to Scarien related websites : Scariens and Scarien Nation Now Be One. The tabloid has published many disturbing stories revealing confidential Republicrat information that could have only been obtained through clandestine means.
The good news is that the Republicrat National Committee, with your financial support, has the resources to eliminate the Scarien Movement once and for all. Despite intelligence that there are thousands of Scarien Liberation Army operatives conducting psychic terrorism against Republicrats, our strategists have developed a program to identify and locate dissenters.
Special software is now being developed that will identify any voter who casts a vote for a non-Republicrat candidate. Proposed legislation requires non-conforming voters to be taken into custody for a three week observation period so it can be determined whether they have been brain-washed by Scariens. Individuals testing positive for Scarien mindcontrol will be sent to a re-education center for a two year treatment program.
Your help in fighting the Scarien menace is urgently needed. Millions of dollars are needed to implement our program and your donation will be greatly appreciated and rewarded. We are encouraging all members of the Republicrat Party to contribute $50,000 or more to the Republicrat National Committee. The Church of the Holy Pharisees is also mounting a crusade against Scariens which may cost several million dollars. Please consider making large donations to both the Republicrat National Committee and the Church of the Holy Pharisees.