TRAILER OF LOCAL COUNTRY
RICHMOND ~ US Gestapo agents and Government UFO experts raided the Jefferson Davis Highway trailer home of local country and western performer Dusty Deedbooks early Saturday morning. The agents, armed with a secret search warrant, told reporters that they were searching for alien contraband. Several items were removed from the trailer, including a large red wooden box and some Elvis & pornographic posters.
wEakLy wHiRL kNEwZ reporters broke into the trailer shortly after the raid and discovered an ancient scroll taped to the back of a Roy Rogers poster. The scroll had apparently been overlooked by Gestapo agents. The ancient scroll was immediately rushed to wEakLy wHiRL kNEwZ laboratories to be analyzed. Our psychic scientists have determined that the scroll is over 10,000 years old and was probably created by an ancient race of supermen. WWK ancient language experts translated the document but could not determine the meaning of the scroll.
"We couldn't make heads or tails of the damn thing," Chief Translator Bubbah Jenkins told our news department (see text of translation below). Reached by payphone yesterday, Deedbooks refused to comment on the raid and denied knowing anything about the ancient scroll. Occasionally reliable sources have given this tabloid information that Deedbooks obtained the scroll from alien visitors. Other sources have speculated that the writing may have come from a Praxis CD.
TRANSLATION OF ANCIENT SCROLL
MALAY BLACK DJINN CURSE
These premises have been cursed by black sorcery. The curse has been activated according to correct rituals. This institution is cursed because it has oppressed the imagination and defiled the intellect, degraded the arts toward stupification, spiritual slavery, propaganda for state and capital, puritanical reaction, unjust profits, lies and aesthetic blight.
The employees of this institution are now in danger. No individual has been cursed, but the place itself has been infected with ill fortune and malignancy. Those who do not wake up and quit, or begin sabotaging the workplace, will gradually fall under the effect of this sorcery. Removing or destroying the implement of sorcery will do no good. It has been seen in this place, and this place is cursed. Reclaim your humanity and revolt in the name of the imagination - or else be judged (in the mirror of this charm) an enemy of the human race.
At present, for tactical reasons, we do not advocate violence or sorcery against individuals. We call for actions against institutions and ideas - art - sabotage and clandestine propaganda (including ceremonial magic and tantric pornography - and especially against the poisonous media of the empire of lies. The black djinn curse represents only a first step in the campaign of poetic terrorism which, we trust, will lead to other less subtle forms of insurrection.