Dear fellow Pharisees, a frightening menace threatens to destroy the Republicrat Empire and the Church of the Holy Pharisees. The Scarien Cult and their Anti-Republicrat agenda has surfaced once again. It has come to my attention that the Scarien Liberation Army is actively recruiting "Freedom Fighters" for their cause. Their website makes clear their intentions to overthrow the Republicrat Empire.

The Anti-Republicrat tabloid wEakLy wHiRL kNEwZ is openly revealing Republicrat secrets and hideous lies about the Republicrat Empire. This disturbing tabloid also provides the Scarien Liberation Army with an outlet for Scarien propaganda.

Pharisees who read my last urgent announcement will recall the Holy Pharisee mandate regarding the discovery of Scarien scrolls and our efforts to locate and destroy them. New translations of these ancient Scarien teachings have now been posted on the website of a rock combo calling themselves Scariens. At this time, Church operatives have been unable to locate the scrolls.

These Scariens are believed to be affiliated with the Scarien Liberation Army and known members of the Scarien Cult. In addition to marketing their subversive music to our children, this musical group supports garbage like the wEakLy wHiRL kNEwZ, apparently spending hundreds of dollars on adveritising. I strongly suggest that parents immediately destroy any Scariens CDs in the hands of their children.

I am urging all Holy Pharisees to make a large donation to the Church as soon as possible to help us fight the Scarien menace.