SCARIEN NATION NOW BE ONE


CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

THE PRESIDENT SUCKS


Manny's Cadillac approached 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and Kareem, who was riding shotgun, could see a mass of confusion in front of the White House. Thousands of angry fans congregated in Lafayette Park, across from the White House. National Park Police on horses and motorcycles kept the fans at bay and away from the White House. There were the usual gray suits, trench coats, and aviator sunglasses. Manny estimated that there were 500 tabloid reporters there. Showdown at high noon.

The Scariens exited from the bright orange Cadillac that Manny had parked illegally in front of the White House, blocking Pennsylvania Avenue. They all walked towards the White House. Four clowns wearing three piece suits, sunglasses and earphones walked out of the White House and approached them. Instead of arresting them, the men politely requested that the cats follow them to the Oval Office.

Hillary came out of the White House and walked towards the cats. She walked past them without even speaking and then got into Manny's car. Manny drove off quickly, leaving a little rubber on the street. Hillary disappeared for several weeks and then turned up in England with Boy George and Madonna.

The feds led the Scariens to the Oval Office which was empty. A woman entered the room and whispered into one of the G-Men's ears. Then the cats were led down the hall to the President's bedroom, where he was practicing on his saxophone.

"Mr. President, sir. The Scariens are here."

"Show them in, boy."

Clinton stopped blowing his horn and set it down on his bed. Then he sat down behind a small mahogany desk. He looked very serious with a distant look in his eyes. Sort of like a zombie.

"I heard your statements this morning on the Howard Stern show and again on Imus. Your negative spin of the Republicrats must cease. You have no proof that the Arien Nation controls this planet. But, look guys, we can work this out. I am willing to grant clemency for your possession of alien contraband, if you terminate your Presidential campaign. By the way, Hillary really loves your new CD," the big guy told them.

"No way, Hosay," Huk piped up.

"You don't want me to hand this problem over to the Ariens do you? They are putting a lot of pressure on me to silence the Scariens. They don't like you guys," Clinton threatened.

Clinton hadn't noticed that both Jabbah and Kareem were zapping him with their MK-Ultra wheels.

"Hear and obey," Huk said forcefully.

Clinton opened his mouth and his head began to shake, like Ronald Reagan's head.

"Can we call you Mr. Bill? OK? Mr. Bill, get on the phone and get all of your little agencies off our backs," Huk commanded.

Clinton immediately called the Justice Department and instructed them to lay off the Scariens. The President was mezzmerized by the whirling disks.

"Mr. Bill, tell your press secretary to have a statement issued immediately declaring that you have joined the Scarien Party," Jabbah told the President.

"We've got his ass. He's out of the Arien stupor. Let's take him to our studio in New York, while he's like this," suggested Kareem.

"We can get some video of Bubba playing sax with the Scariens. Man, that would really blow a few minds. Let's take him up with us," Dusty whispered to Jabbah.

"Mr. Bill, have your helicopter take us to Air Force One. We're going to New York. And grab your sax, man," Huk told Clinton, "We're gonna do a little jamming."

Clinton was as happy as a clam. He thought that Hillary would really think he was hip if he sat in with the Scariens. They were Hillary's and Chelsea's favorite band. The President ordered the helicopter and the cats were on their way with the President and a couple of secret service clowns.

A stretch limo with black windows was waiting for them when Air Force One landed in New York. The limo raced them to Manny's newest acquisition, Scarien Studios, and the band entered the unmarked building with the President. The limo looked out of place in the Greenwich Village.

Dusty zapped the secret service boys with his MK-Ultra wheel and ordered them to drive back to DC and leave the President. He commanded them to forget where Clinton was as soon as they left. They left, but Dusty wondered whether they would forget where they had been.

Manny and Mr. Scary were waiting in the control room inside. There was an older guy with them that looked like Santa Claus. Mr. Scary kept calling the guy Nick. Clinton walked into the control room carrying his shiny saxophone and he sat down next to Nick.

"Hi there, Bill. It's good to see you again. Have you been good all year?"

"Well........I sure have."

"Are you sure, Bill? You haven't been just a little bit bad?"

"Well.......just once."

"Just once?"

"Well, OK...maybe a few times."

"Oh, you were a bad boy then?"

"It won't ever happen again. I'll be good. I promise."

"I believe you, Bill."

"I'll be real good to make up for everything."

"What would you like this year?"

"I'd like to have sex with Hillary again. I'd like to tour with the Scariens. I'd like to have my face carved into Mount Rushmore. I'd like to move the White House to Arkansas. And some candy."

"Well, Bill, I'll try. I might not be able to bring you all those things, but I'll see what I can do and I'll bring you a surprize."

Nick and Mr. Scary split together to find a camcorder while Mr. Bill attempted to learn a few Scarien melodies on his horn. Mr. Scary returned shortly with the camcorder, but without Nick.

"Where's Nick?"

"He had to go back home and operate the Scarien Interstellar Command Post," Mr. Scary answered.

"I didn't even know we had a command post."

"It connects the Earth with the Scarien Planet. Nick has operated the post for many many years. We recently equipped the command post with technologically advanced UFO detectors to alert us of the incoming Ariens."

"Incoming Ariens?"

"Star ships from the Arien Planet have been arriving constantly for the past several weeks. They are planning something. They can be very dangerous when they feel they are losing political control. They may attack your planet or invoke more of their dark sorcery."

"Heavy."

While Mr. Scary had been out, the cats did manage to teach the Prezz one song. It was an old Scarien blues melody with some lyrics that were stolen from James Brown.

"Santa Claus, Santa Claus, why you make me suffer so?"

Dusty taught Mr. Bill the subliminal melody of the song while he played the hypno riff part on the guitar. It took Clinton hours to learn it, but he finally learned to play his part adequately.

"Hey, Mr. Scary, how'd that sound?" Dusty asked.

"Make injustice invisible," the Scary one answered with a pained expression on his face.

Manny switched on the 24 track machine, grabbed the mezzmezzro, and came out of the control room to video tape the session himself. The Scariens, with Mr. Bill blowing his horn, ripped through the tune, playing it several times. Take Five. Dusty fired up the mezz and passed it to the Prezz. Once actually inhaling, the Prezz on Mezz was able to do a decent take.

Manny put the fresh video tape in a manila envelope and split. Within an hour, the video was in rotation on MTV, just in time for Christmas. The all cable news networks had panels of talking heads convened to analyze the latest political development - life long Republicrat Bill Clinton joining the Scarien Party. By midnight, most Americans had either caught the news about the party switch or they had seen the jam on MTV.

Dollar signs rolled up in Manny's eyes like a slot machine as everyone sat around the control room switching between the President's press secretary babbling on C-Span and the Christmas jam on MTV.

"Millions of people will want to join the Scarien Party now. You guys are gonna be the next Presidents. We can charge em two bucks a pop to join the party and we'll be rolling in dough. Serious lifestyle money, boys," Manny gleefully told anyone listening.

"Maybe we should pay each person who joins a deuce instead," someone said.

Huk, with the help of his MK-Ultra wheel, instructed the President to issue a statement to the press that he would be going away for two weeks to an emergency summit meeting with the Grand Wazoo of Kazakhstan. The plan was to keep Clinton in New York with the Scariens for as long as possible. They wanted to milk this chance for all they could : shoot more video, get Clinton to endorse the Scariens, maybe even get him to resign and call for a Special Presidential Election. They could run for Presidents while things were hot and before the Ariens could react.

The band spent several days with the President rehearsing the Scarien melodies, but the hillbilly horn man just couldn't get it. He was only able to learn two songs. The time wasn't wasted, though. Manny got some more video of studio jams with the Prezz actually endorsing the Scariens for Presidents. Manny got it all, even a segment where Clinton was instructed to do a little sailor dance with Huk. Presidential humor at its peak.

After a week, Manny was ready to send Clinton and his squeaky sax back to DC. Everyone was hanging out at Manny's watching TV when an emergency press conference from the Oval Office interrupted the Andy Griffith Show. There, on the screen of the mystical cathode ray tube, was a fake Clinton that seemed to be a cheap electro-mechanical robot. The robot denied any involvement with the Scariens. He claimed the Scarien endorsement was a hoax pulled off by an impostor.

"Hey, Mr. President, who's that on TV?"

"That's me. Huh huh uhh huh huh."

"This is a bad development. We've got to get rid of this clown." Manny whispered to J. Edgar Junior.

The Ariens had full control over the White House now. Mister Scary decided to take Clinton up to Nick's place at the Scarien Interstellar Command Post. Bill and Nick seemed to get along well with each other. After a couple of days, the effects of the MK-Ultra wheels, the mezzmezzro, and the Scarien melodies wore off and Clinton returned to his normal brain washed state of confusion. He wanted to go back to the White House despite knowing that he had been replaced with a cheap electro-mechanical robot.

Nick flew Clinton to Alaska, where he was to fly back to DC. It was not clear whether or not he made it back because, from then on, only the cheesy Clinton robot was ever seen in public.


CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

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