SCARIEN NATION NOW BE ONE
The Scarien Jet landed in Cairo about 45 minutes before showtime at the Pyramid. The Cairo Board of Tourism and Community Development was throwing a benefit to raise money for the restoration of the Great Pyramid and to make a few repairs on the Sphinx.
The show was sort of like doing a gig at a drive in movie theatre. Lots of Arab oil cats sat in German cars parked in rows facing the stage. The stage had been set up against the base of the Pyramid, its awesome presence looming over the combo as they played. The large MK-Ultra wheels whirled on each side of the stage. No one in the audience ventured from their car during the show.
The Scariens did their usual show unable to see their audience through the dark tinted windshields of the cars. The cars could have been empty for all they knew. Manny was overseeing the sound engineers who were taping the show. They hoped to release a live CD in Japan before their upcoming tour there. A strange unknown man, who looked very much like Dobalina with a tan, lingered around the stage. He seemed to avoid looking at the MK-Ultra wheels, but rather seemed to be watching J. Edgar Junior as he performed his duties.
The show was electrifying. Madonna had not arrived yet, which was a bummer for everyone, but Cher put on an unbelievable performance. Huk and Cher's duet of "I Got You Babe" was glorious. Several of the cars turned on their windshield wipers in appreciation.
For the next three weeks, the Scariens did one nighters at every college bar in the middle east. Moslem big wigs invited Huk to call a handful of believers to prayer from a gazebo in Kazakhstan. Kareem caught up with some of his old secret agent buddies. Madonna finally showed up.
Madonna became furious when she found out that Cher was along for the tour. Manny had neglected to tell her, knowing how she felt about Cher. Madonna laid it on thick for the band. She wore her sexiest outfits and her finest metallic bras. She came on real strong to the cats.
The Scariens were beginning to fall in love with this chick. Then Cher started to get jealous. Right before she was to go on at Princess Hotintyte's debutante ball, she stomped off in a rage and caught the next plane out of Cairo. She said she was going back to her ex-lovers, two guys she called Beavis and Butthead.
Madonna and the Scariens had a whirl wind romance. Hashish and non-stop sex. They even signed her to a Scarien contract, even though her agent's contract specifically prohibited her from performing with the Scariens anywhere in the western world. By the time the Scarien Jet landed back in Richmond, Madonna was engaged to marry the Scariens.
There were hundreds of fans at the airport to welcome the combo home after their month long absence. One lucky tabloid reporter was picked to board the jet for an exclusive interview. The Scariens announced their engagement to Madonna and hinted that they would soon announce their intention to run for Presidents of the United States in the next election.
Three weeks after the wedding announcement was made, Madonna ran off with a British singer. The Scariens were upset. They thought she was doing a tour in China until they went to the grocery store. Tabloid headlines told of how Madonna and Boy George had been shacked up at Wayne Newton's fabulous hotel in Vegas. Exclusive photographs actually showed the two pop stars in a romantic embrace.
The Scariens were broken hearted. Meanwhile, Cher had purchased a mansion in Richmond. She crawled back to the Scariens and begged them to take her back.
"I need real man," Cher pleaded, "Sonny and Greg couldn't handle me. Beavis and Butthead can't communicate with me. I need the Scariens."
Broken hearted from Madonna's rejection, the combo wasn't ready to risk more emotional pain. They did go out with Cher on a few dates, but the old sparks just weren't there anymore. There was no time for romance, anyway.
There was the upcoming 30 city tour to promote the new CD, followed by a tour of Japan. A Presidential campaign had to be organized. Koresh quit the band and ran off to Puerto Rico with Cher to start a new cult. Some kind of satanic pyramid scheme involving time share units and ski vacations. Things were hectic.
The Scariens remained incognito for the next several weeks. They granted no interviews and they were not seen in public. Most of their time was spent in meetings with Manny and his lawyers. The wEakLy wHiRL kNEwZ had shipped out the "Where Are The Scariens?" issue to stores everywhere on the same day that Manny announced a major press conference.
The nature of the press conference was not revealed and reporters had no idea what was going on. The tabloid press turned out in record numbers. The flash bulbs were blinding. It took J. Edgar Junior ten minutes to bring order to the room full of unruly journalists. The pandemonium ceased when Huk walked into the room and walked to the podium.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the press, welcome. Thank you for coming to our little press conference. We have called this press conference to make some announcements that will alter the course of history. We have organized a new political party. The Scarien Party. For the first time since the last Civil War, there will be two political parties. The Republicrats will no longer have a monopoly on our government. There will no longer be only one political party!"
A hush fell over the room. Ace political reporters were dumbstruck. The Republicrats had been in power so long. Just several years earlier, the Utopian Party had mysteriously vanished. Many columnists believed it was unpatriotic to challenge the unipartisan system. Then Huk threw them another curve ball.
"The Scariens will run for Presidents. The job has become too big for just one person. Dusty Deedbooks will be President in charge of laws. Jabbah will be President in charge of magic. Kareem Ahweet will be the President in charge of the Scarien Army. I will be President in charge of fashion. The CIA, ATF, FBI, NSC, IRS, and the DEA will be replaced with the Scarien Security Force headed up by J. Edgar Junior, whom you have all met. Are there any questions?"
"What kind of a party is this," asked the sexy world famous psychic reporter known as Selena.
"Ain't nothing but a party, baby."
"Mr. Bury, what changes in the area of fashion could we expect if the Scariens are elected Presidents?"
"By the end of the month, an official Scarien fashion guide and mail-order catalog will be available. Scarien fashions will be set forth in this catalog. Music, art, drama and literature will once again be free from Arien control mechanisms. Our culture will return to its original state of harmony. Once again music will flood the air. There will be dancing in the streets."
"Mr. Deedbooks, what changes in the area of law do you intend to make, if elected?"
"All laws will be repealed and replaced with the golden rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Courts will be replaced by the Scarien Karma Kouncil. The Kouncil will determine the fate of those in violation of the golden rule. The Constitution and the Bill of Rights will be the only past legislation retained," Dusty proclaimed.
"Mr. Ahweet, are we to expect war if the Scariens win the election?"
"Of course not. All weapons of mass destruction will be destroyed all over the world. The calming MK-Ultra wheel will be made available to all governments and all individuals. There will only be one vaporizer, which I will control. For the first time in 10,000 years, the world will be at peace," Kareem assured the reporters.
"Mr. Jabbah, as President of magic, what would your function be?"
"To teach people how to harness the magic forces that exist within themselves. The magic has been forgotten and if the human race is to survive, we must begin to utilize the magic once again. For the past 10,000 years, the Arien Nation has suppressed all knowledge of the magic forces of nature. If we are elected, this will change. The dark sorcery of the evil mutant Ariens will be eliminated and the good magic of earth will be allowed to flourish," Jabbah explained.
The Scariens stood up, signaling the end of the press conference. The monitors of reality scurried off to meet their deadlines with Scarien headlines.
"Scarien Nation now be one!" Huk announced as he left the room.